It's Not About You

"Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God's holiness and sovereignty... acknowledging our own littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down, can divine wisdom become ours."

--James I (J. I.) Packer

I've been battling within myself a lot lately. I've been questioning a lot of decisions I've made and those that I choose not to. My friend Colin has been a huge support system for me lately.

God's using him to speak truth in my life. I like to be available to people and meet their needs whenever I can. To show them love like we (Christians) are suppose to. Colin wants to focus our Small Group on spiritual gifts.

One of my giftings is that of teaching. It's something that comes naturally to me, however, I don't want to use it. About two months ago I stepped down from leading our Small Group because I got "too busy". The fact was, I was too scared to continue doing it.

I had been a Small Group leader for years and I just didn't want to have that burden on me once again. I just want to help in other ways and not utilize my gift of teaching. Colin is a person who says what he feels God leading him to say, even if it's hard to swallow.

What he told me was really hard to swallow. In fact, I felt like I had tried to swallow a baseball. He told me that when people came to me for help and I gave it to them, it wasn't me providing it. It was God through me. He said that it wasn't all about me. I was just God's vessel in those situations.

A lot of things transpired during our conversation that dug deep into my heart and hurt. It hurt tremendously. No one had ever spoken to me the way he did. At first I was taken aback and thought, "I know he didn't just say that to me? Who does he think he is?"

After taking what he said into consideration, I realized he was spot on about everything. I know that God is string something in my soul bigger than I can imagine. I hope you continue to journey with me as I find what that something is.

I was reminded tonight after reading my bible, that we must die to our sins in order to be delivered from its power. We must read God's word to do this. To put on the armor of God and stand with a boldness and determination that Satan will not have a hold on any parts of our lives.

Stand with me because it's not about you!